Leadership and Executive Ego: Keeping it check

The ego of any one of us is, at the best of times fragile, regardless of whether it starts from a position of ‘great strength or great fear’. The ego of someone in a leadership role is possibly even more precarious than the average persons.

Marcus Arelius (known as the last of the ‘five good emperors’) is supposed to have had one of his slaves walk behind him when he was in public receiving the exultation of the crowds and whisper in his ear, “Memento Mori” (Remember you are mortal). As an Executive Coach –  ”I love this!”

There is something about the development of power and what it can do to us, for some it magnifies a ‘sense of responsibility’ and a ‘duty of care’ for others it appears to ‘isolate’ and create a sense of ‘superiority’. As someone said to me recently, “it’s a bit like winning the lottery, if you are nice it makes you nicer because you can afford to be and if you are thoughtless and uncaring, then it magnifies this as well because you can afford to be”. I am inclined to agree.

There is for many leaders a need to revisit the direction of their actions, thoughts and customary thinking; to calibrate ones internal radar in these difficult times as to whether the salary that safeguards you from the worries of the everyday people, the BMW that isolates you from the reality of fear around having ‘No’ money (as opposed to less money!) is in fact working.

How do you do this? How do you know that on promotion you didn’t lose your connection to people, that over the years of platitudes and the gentle drip of obeisance you have not separated yourself from the realness of relations that are framed through the position you hold?

As an executive coach, I am rarely asked this question by a senior leader. Though as an executive coach I am often alert to this phenomenon through observation, story and feedback data.

1. Recognize that this could be you.
2. Seek council from trusted advisors.
3. Seek feedback from peers.
4. Seek feedback from external observers (consultants, coaches, who can be honest)
5. Volunteer for regular 360 Feedback then feed the results back to your people so they know it makes a connection.
6. Seek feedback in open forum: Ask the question. Shut Up. Listen. Say ‘Thankyou’ (And mean it).
7. Eat in the canteen.
8. Take the long way to meetings, so people are familiar with your presence in the business.
9. Talk to people about non-work related business, so they trust your motives.
10. Actually want to know.

And of course, most importantly: “Memento Mori!”